100 Funny Retirement Wishes (To Say At A Retirement Party)

When you’re invited to a retirement party, you might be looking for funny things to say at a retirement party.

Well, there is no need to look any further because I’ve listed 100 funny retirement wishes and funny things to say at a retirement party in this article. So continue reading.

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1) The Legend Has Retired, now what are we going to do?

2) When ‘I’m too old for this shit’ becomes your daily mantra, you know it’s time to retire.

3) Good Luck With Your New Boss: Your Wife!

4) The One, The Only, The Legend Has Retired!

5) Happy retirement. Think of it as a six-month holiday, but twice a year.

6) Congratulations on quitting your job without being escorted out of the building.

7) Retired: Goodbye Crap, Hello Nap

8) Congratulations on extending your weekends by five days!

9) WARNING! Retired person on-premises who knows it all and has plenty of time to tell you all about it.

10) You only retire once, so make it count!

11) Free At Last

12) You can look at retirement this way: it’s like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it to the fullest but not so fully that you run out of money. Have fun!

13) Don’t worry. Retirement is not the end of the road; it’s the beginning of the open highway! Get in your RV/ Car and hit the road. Congratulations, and enjoy your road trip!

14) Eat, Drink, Nap, Repeat

15) Jippie Kayee, You Don’t Have To Work Ever Again 

16) Congrats, you’re officially retired from this crap

17) What do you call a person who is happy on Monday? Retired! Congrats, and may you enjoy all upcoming Mondays.

18) Now You Can Do Anything You Want, As Long As Your Wife Agrees

19) Hooray, You Cannot Boss Us Around Anymore

20) Congratulations On Working For Your Wife Now

21) Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho, It’s Off The Work No Mo

22) Now you can finally say. I’ve Retired: Not My Problem Anymore

23) Thank God It’s Friday Everyday Now!

24) You worked your whole life for this T-shirt, Mug, etc.

25) You can’t retire from being great!

26) Quitter! Ooops, I mean, Happy Retirement!

27) Congratulations on pursuing your dream of no longer working here!

28) You’re finally freeeeeee! Happy Retirement!

29) A wise woman once said, I’m outta here. And she lived happily ever after!

30) Now, your only job is to have fun, and I know you’ll nail that!

31) “The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.” – Abe Lemons

32) “A retired husband is often a wife’s full-time job.” – Ella Harris

33) “When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income.” – Chi Chi Rodriguez

34) Congratulations on the World’s largest coffee break!

35) Congrats on retirement. It is when you stop lying about your age and start lying around the house

36) “Retirement is wonderful. It’s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.” – Gene Perret

37) “Don’t act your age in retirement. Act like the inner young person you have always been.” – J.A. West

38) Did you know that in retirement, every day is Employee Appreciation Day? 😉 Congrats!

39) Retirement. The money’s no better, but the hours are great!

40) You’ve made your mark, paid your dues, now put on your dancing shoes!

41) Stay young at heart, kind in spirit, and enjoy your retired life!

42) The day has come. You finally stop working and start living! I wish you all the best in your retirement, and enjoy all the adventures you have ahead of you. Happy Retirement!

43) The pay sucks, but the hours are great! Happy Retirement!

44) Watch out. Someone’s about to have too much free time on his/her hands…

45) Retirement: The time you realize that being showered and dressed in the morning is now optional.

46) Bye Bye Tension, Hello Pension!

47) You can’t teach an old dog new tricks but you can put new tires on an old car. That’s what you’re doing: re-tiring.

48) Work will suck without you!

50) Retirement is waking up in the morning with nothing to do; by bedtime, only half of it is done. Congratulations on doing nothing!

51) Behind every retired man is a wife wishing he would go back to work. Happy retirement!

52) Congrats on your retirement. Now every day is Saturday!

53) Enjoy your neverending weekend!

54) You’re currently unsupervised. I know it scares me too…

55) The possibilities are endless. Enjoy!

56) Congratulations on gaining two new best friends upon your retirement. Their names are Bed and Couch. You will be hanging out with them a lot.

57) I am so glad you are getting out of this place! Can you take me with you?

58) Retirement is awesome – you can finally do nothing without being worried about getting caught.

59) The office won’t be the same without you wandering around pretending to be busy.

60) Congrats! You survived all the meetings that should have been emails.

61) Rude that you’re leaving, but ok.

62) Happy retirement. Now you can start drinking wine in the morning!

63) Now you have time to wine all day!

64) Retired. Under New Management. See Wife For Details

65) Now, you will never know if people are genuinely happy about your retirement or if they are happy that they finally got rid of you…

66) Congrats. You can binge-watch all those great TV shows! What will you do in the second week?

67) Congrats on retirement. The next time we talk, you can charge a consulting fee.

68) Oh, look! It’s you don’t give a D*** o’clock!

69) You’re not retired. You’re a professional Grandpa/ Grandma

70) You think we threw this party to celebrate your years of work? Guess again… it’s really to celebrate not having you as a boss/ coworker anymore!

71) It was such a pleasure working with you. Let your wife/ husband know they can use me as a reference if they have any doubts…

72) Congratulations on finally deciding that life is more important than work! What took you so long?

73) Retirement sounds like fun. Until you realize you’re too old, too broke, and too tired to do anything fun.

74) How do travel plans in retirement look like? A route from the bed to the couch to the fridge and repeat.

75) My retirement advice to you. Just pretend every day is Saturday, and you’ll be fine!

76) If you struggle to find something to do in retirement… Feel free to mow my lawn anytime 😉

77) When people ask what you’ve been doing in retirement, just say something interesting because nobody wants to hear about your afternoon naps.

78) Happy Retirement. Now Fridays aren’t the best day of the week anymore. They all are!

79) Life begins at retirement. Enjoy!

80) The biggest challenge in retirement is to spend time without spending money. Good luck!

81) Congrats on your new job: living life to the fullest! You’ll be great at it!

82) Soon, you’ll wonder, how did I ever have time to work?

83) “When you retire, you switch bosses. From the one who hired you to the one who married you”. – Gene Perret

84) Congrats. There is no better feeling than going to bed and not having to set the alarm.

85) “The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.” – Abe Lemons

86) Retirement is like a neverending vacation. Only you’re not fit for the most fun stuff.

87) Happy retirement! Now you never have to use the excuse of being sick when you’re playing golf/ fishing, etc.

88) Enjoy sleeping in, knowing that we all have to go to work!

89) Retirement doesn’t make you an old fart. It means mean you no longer give a shit.

90) Congrats on your new skills in retirement. You can laugh, cough, sneeze, and pee all at the same time.

91) Retirement Forecast: Doing nothing with a chance of napping.

92) “Retirement is just like turning eighteen – you can’t figure out whether you’re young or old.”WishesMessages.com

93) “No facades, fake smiles, or charades – retirement is all about being who you are without a worry in the world. Congratulations.” – WishesMessages.com

94) “Retirement is the beginning of the time when you can sit back and give advice to others, even though you never followed it in your own life.”WishesMessages.com

95) Are you looking forward to your time in retirement? Good luck with your old age, fragile bones, doctor visits, medical checkups, and weak bladder.

96) Life in retirement is going to be an adventure; trekking through the garden, climbing out of bed, and diving into a good book.

97) Congratulations on sacrificing your health to earn more money to retire happily. Now you can spend all that money to keep yourself healthy.

98) Congrats. Get ready to be showered with many chores.

99) Retirement is just a nice way of saying. You’re getting too old for this!

100) For someone as lazy as you, retirement will be the same. Just only now, you don’t get paid for it.

Kirsten Veldman

Since 2017, my husband and I have been location-independent retirees. With hundreds of articles written, I'm passionate about helping other retirees!

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